I am ready, I am fine

I thought about you last night.
Lying there in the dark, almost asleep.
Almost asleep in that bed. Their bed. The one I imagine you've laid in, lifetimes ago.
That song came on, and it dawned on me that I could've seen you yesterday.
I'd been looking forward to it, imagined what it'd be like.
How I'd do my hair, what I would wear, how I'd act.
But I never went.
I did everything to avoid it.
I didn't do it purposely. Or at least not consciously.
It just wasn't on my mind at all.
I had all that alone time to think yet none of my thoughts were you.
And now it'll be another year before I see you. Or at least a few months.
And maybe that's for the best.
This thing, whatever it is, is wrong. Really wrong.
And hopefully by next year, I won't even remember, or at least remember to forget.
Or maybe I'll just look back on it and it'll be fuzzy.
Just one of those stupid things you did when you were young. (Literally)
But if I had seen you, then who knows.
Who knows if I still would just be able to think about you, instead of feeling you.
Who knows.
I guess you really do just have to trust that whatever happens is what was always meant to be.