Pop.

Everything is moving slow. Like the opposite of fast forward if this was a movie. It's not though, is it? I'm tired, so extremely tired and she's yelling, pleading, threatening with me, at me to get up. I can't tune her out, she's too loud. I want to fall back asleep, but her voice is insistent. I look at the clock. 7:09. I've had two hours of sleep. I'm not as tired as I should be but how is it already seven? The last thing I remember was asking if it bothered him. And now I'm in my own bed and she's yelling at me. I get up and the whole room spins. I feel low, beyond tired, beyond everything. The bright lights of the bathroom make me nauseous, the shower feels like needles. I want to sleep, I want to throw up. Why is it already seven? I'm getting in the car, 7:45, it's freezing. My eyes water, I forgot my medication. Awesome. Could this morning be any better? We pull up and walk in, it's still freezing and I still want to throw up. Everyones in their nice church clothes and they're all shaking hands and being nice and fake and it's extremely funny but I don't know why. We sit in the back, I immediately slump over and fall almost asleep. Everyone's looking at me funny, I don't know why. Weird, creepy, middle-aged church guy comes over. He stands over me, I'm overcome by his gross sour smell. He inquires about my well-being, his hand dangerously close to my knee. I mumble something, trying to keep down the vomit threatening to cover his shoes. I figure he'll leave now that I've answered, but he doesn't. He's just standing there over me and I feel like I'm standing in the shadow of a huge 6 million foot tall old smelly cheese factory. Yuck. I scoot away from him before his hand creeps up my leg. Ew. He walks away. I just want to go home and sleep for five years. It's 8:10 and then 8:30. The sermon starts..."we get lost in the wilderness over the course of the year.." I'm so so so tired. "lent wakes us up..." I wish it would wake me up. "it takes a lot of energy and time and faith to get unlost sometimes." Sounds like a good sermon for once, I wish I could focus better. Shes standing up there singing, her head tipped up, looking down on me, like always. When I don't go up for Communion, she flashes me a quick harsh, threatening look before putting on her "church face" and smiling sympathetically at me. I'm the only one still in the pews, everyone else is getting Communion. They all give me that same sympathetic, somehow disapproving look. Yeah poor me, I haven't found God, I don't know blahblahblah whatever. I just want to go to sleep. And then it's finally over and we leave. It's 9:10 and still freezing. I just want to sleep. We walk in the door, I go in my room and collapse into heaven.