i'm working, but i'm not working for you

Have you ever wanted something weird? It's wrong and "creepy" but you just can't let it go. And you know that if people knew they would look at you differently or give you that one look that people give you when they think you're weird and "funny" (and not in the ha-ha way). But you don't have much else going on in your life and so you focus on it, even though you shouldn't, and before you know it, it's turned into a full-fledged obsession. Then all you can do is think about it and obsess over it and get depressed. So you tell your friends because you tell your friends everything and they confirm your earlier assumption by giving you "that look", which only makes you feel worse and fall into an even deeper depression. But you're not depressed. And you're not obsessed. You're just "weird" because you want something "weird" and the more you think about it, the more you don't know what it is or why you're obsessed with it so you think some more. Which just drags you into deeper thought, and then you fall asleep not remembering what it was you were thinking about. And then the next morning you wake up, and you think about it, the weird thing you want. And throughout the day you think about it and think about it until you don't know what it is or why you want it and you fall asleep and it starts all over and you wonder how or when it even began in the first place.