My sister is going to college next year. She's gonna leave the house, move out, be on her own. It'll be weird. Extremely weird. I've never given it much thought until recently. It still feels very distant, but it feels more real than before. Before it was just something that would eventually happen, but I didn't really need to worry about it or adjust. But now, she's got it figured out. She has all these acceptance letters from all these amazing schools with significant scholarships. It's great, my parents couldn't be happier. But it's also scary. And while I'm happy for her, it also makes me wonder. She's going somewhere, she's gonna be something. But what about me?
When I was younger I got straight As because it came naturally, it was easy. And then school started to get harder, particularly math, and I just gave up. My grades dropped significantly and I just consoled myself and said I'd do better next year. But i didn't, and then I told myself the same thing. I promised myself, and my parents, that this year would be different, I would focus more, care more. But I don't. And I'm scared that I'm not going anywhere. I always used to want to go to Carleton, but that will never happen now. It could've, maybe, but I just let it go. I have this attitude that I don't really care, and it's hard to change that whole outlook. I'm still in the top math class, but barely. I probably won't be for long and it's not even that hard, I just give up. I don't want to put any effort into it and now all this stuff is coming together for my sister, and it makes me wonder if things will ever come together for me. I know I need to change, I need to care more, put more effort into things, but it's hard. I'm too disorganized and too far gone. I've slacked for so long, I wouldn't really know how to not. And I know that's not an excuse, but it's all I have. What if a few good test scores and music aren't enough? What if I needed those great grades to go along with it? What if I don't become anything, what if it never comes together? And what if I do try, what if I do put my all into it, and I find out I'm just not good enough?
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Hey abby i know what you mean math has also been hard for me too. But hey don't u give up girl we still young n we have a big future still ahead of us...i know how it feels not to feel good enough or get everything rite but we gotta keep on going and dont give up..live life to da fullest n keep on going...learning and growing..
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