you are the face of a faith I love

How can I make them understand when I don't even understand, myself? And how can I make them listen when their minds are already made up? How can I accept the change if I can't let it go? How am I supposed to surrender when my feelings won't retreat? Am I just supposed to bottle everything up and keep it locked away? What if I don't want to? What happens when the only thing to do is the only thing you can't do?

I know it won't go away, it can't. It's more than just a feeling, more than just a decision. I don't how to turn it off, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Because I've found something in you that I need, I've found me. I've found the person I want to be, need to be and I can't just let that go. And even more than that, I've found you and I found what we could be. So what now? Where do I turn when every direction leads nowhere? Who am I supposed to be, when everything I thought I was, is gone? And how do I know where to go when the light at the end of the tunnel is shut off? And why would I even want to keep walking through the tunnel when the things at the end that I once yearned for, have lost their meaning? Can't I just stay here, lost in the middle?

You offered an escape. An alternative to the sickening routine of everyone else, of the chase. I've let myself become this new person, this better person and now what? I've realized how tiring and pointless everyone else and everything else is, how my entire life has been centered around something that lacks a deeper meaning. And I don't want to take another step, another breath without you. Cliche as that is, it's true. It's like you're this big, warm blanket sheltering me from the harsh cold of reality and now I'm being stripped of it, and I have no idea how to weather the cold. And I'll probably survive, but at what cost and with how much frostbite? How much of the person I once was, will be gone? Who will the girl be that comes out of it, and will the person I am now adjust to her and what shes done to still be here?