drown in a pool of you

The warm wind reminds me of you, and I long for it.
It screetches, screams at the crack in the window, begging to be let in.
I wonder why, I wonder what's so great about being in?
Why come in and be trapped when already you are free, warming the world?
I suppose you just want to fill it, warm it. You see how cold and empty it is, and you wish to fix it.
It's beautiful the way you do it.
With big warm gusts, you shake the world. Yet, it's not shook up.
You're gentle even at your mightiest, your warmth warming us all.
The trees move, the grass. Flowers sway, the waves cap. Amazing.
I long for it. I long to be surrounded, hidden, engulfed.
I long to be part of everything. Swaying with everything. Feeling with everything.
I ache with not knowing you, with not feeling you.
Our reunion, though fast approaching, is still too far out of reach.
All this time, all these other sides of you.
It's been so long, too long.
Time for us.
Almost.

By the Way

Everything is perfect, everything is fine. I'm doing good, we're doing good. And then I talk to you, just talk to you. 15 minutes, maybe. And you bring me back to life, back to reality. I don't have to say one thing. Nothing. Because you already know it all. My thoughts, my doubts, insecurities, the truth. You know. How do you do that? How can you read me like that? When everyone else doesn't see, can't tell, you can. How? How can you, with one single question, uncover all my secrets? At least I thought they were secrets. But not with you. You know me better than I know myself yet when I talk to you, it's not like talking to a mirror. We're so much alike it's scary yet it never gets boring. If soul mates were real. If, before we were born, our souls were once one with someone else's'. I know mine would be you. I can feel it when we're together and I know it has to be you. There's this connection, I couldn't begin to describe. You get me like no one else does. You know the reasons behind everything I do. And visa versa. And you aren't threatened by it. You don't try to get the upper hand and you don't try to compete, you just accept it. And it sucks because now I'm here and you're there and that's how we have to stay.
"I thought God was supposed to have a plan. Is this really a part of it?"
"We choose our own paths."
Do you need any more proof?

...

Maybe I'm overreacting, just looking for a way out. Maybe I'm imagining all of this, over analyzing everything until it becomes what I think it should be. Maybe the pangs of jealousy I get when anyone else even comes near him are just a way of proving that you don't mean anything. And maybe the urges I have to be with him and the theories I come up with about us are just me trying to find a way out. Because whenever I get in something, I'm always looking for a way out. A reason why it won't work. And with you I ignored that, I pushed for it. And I got it. But now that I have you, do I really have you? I feel like I'm still trying. It's like this endless fight where I keep trying and you stay apathetic. And the more I try, the more I end up pulling away and I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I don't even think I ever did. I don't understand how you can feel perfectly fine and think nothing when I'm thinking everything. I just feel like I gave you this huge thing and you just took it for granted. And it should have made me feel closer to you but instead I feel so much farther away. And I just want to get away from it, from you. To pretend I never met you. Because I can't handle all of this and I can't take it back. But could I really just walk away?

O.

It's all over. Done. Gone. Can't get it back. I was in such a hurry. I wanted so much to have that, to become that person. I wanted to prove to you, and I guess to myself, that I could have that. So I pushed and pushed and pushed it. And it worked. I got exactly what I wanted. But did I really want it? It's crazy how fast it can be over. Over the course of maybe a minute, everything I thought I was, disappeared. I changed. But I didn't, not really. I kept waiting for it. I kept waiting for my whole world to shift. But it didn't. And I realized that my whole life isn't going to alter just because of this one thing, this one decision. I always used to be intrigued by it. As if it put you on a different level, changed you, altered you. And I was scared of changing. But nothing changed. And I know that if I told you that, you'd have a different opinion. But you don't know, you can't tell. If I never tell you, you'll never know. No one will. And that's exactly how it should be.